“I AM GOING TO BE A LAWYER, AND I WON’T LET ANYTHING GET MY WAY.”
Those were my words when I was about to enter law school. I was to determined to succeed in my law studies. In fact, law school, codal provisions, cases, recitations, and exams were the only things that I thought about during my first two months in class.
Many of my block mates who entered law school with a boyfriend or girlfriend ended law school with a boyfriend ended up splitting with their special someone after two or three months. This made me realize more that love and law school really do not mix. I had no problem with that. I was not looking for a boyfriend, and I definitely was not looking for love in law school. Love and boys were not even on my list of priorities.
Then something happened, I don’t know how, but it happened. Some time in August I realized that I had become human again.
We were seat mates. We used to eat lunch together. We joked around when we were not busy with school work. And he would often drop me off at my apartment on his way home.
We were friends, purely friends. He was just like any other guy friend I had. The only difference was that, we saw each other every day because we belonged to the same black in school.
One day, I dreamed of him. Maybe that was because we were always together. I told him about it in a text message. We started to “flirt” with each other – in jest. Then one thing led to another. We were happy (or was I the only one feeling this?)
But there was one problem. He had a girlfriend, a girlfriend whom he truly and dearly loved. Believe it or not, he loved her, I could feel it.
Fact No. 1: She was his priority. Fact No. 2: I loved him. So, I accepted Fact No. 1 because of Fact No. 2. I was sharing time with his girl. Of course, I had his “left-over time,” those times when he was not needed by his girl. But I did not want to think of myself as just an option for him. I wanted to believe that he cared or maybe even loved me.
Months passed, and problems started to arise. There were lots of school works to do. We had to study for the exams, and had to do so many case digests. He thought I was becoming demanding.
I knew from the start that I had no “right” over him since I was not his girlfriend. But because of this same fact, I felt insecure. So I asserted my non-existing rights. I became clingy, demanding and possessive.
I got into his nerves. He told me we ought to know where we stood in relation to other people. And he reminded me that I knew from the start that he was committed.
We had our bad times, but still continued with whatever it was that we had. Then he told me the news that they had broken up. He was devastated, but he told me that he wanted us to still be okay with each other.
But after saying that, he started to ignore me. Neither would he answer my calls nor reply to my text messages. It was as if I was suddenly non-existent to him.
I came back to senses. And the truth hit me badly. How blind and stupid can a law student get? How could I not have realized from the beginning that he really did not care that much for me (that is, if he ever cared at all)? Memories of us together, both good and bad, came back to me. I should have known where I stood when one time he suddenly left me after his girlfriend called. He left without even telling me that he was leaving. I went to the parking lot, and his car was gone. He brought with him all my things, without worrying how I’d get home. So much for caring.
It is a cliché, but truth really hurts. It hurts to that the person whom you truly love and care for did not, cannot and will not even care for you. I am still hurting. And I do not know if this hurt is going to leave me at all.
In law, when a person suffers an injury, he or she is entitled to relief by filing a case for damages. If denied by a lower court, he or she can file a motion for reconsideration, appeal to the appellate court, or even elevate the case to the Supreme Court.
But in my case, I am not entitled to any relief. Why? Reason No. 1: Law different from love. Law and love are governed by different rules. But assuming that the rules applied to law is applicable to love, I am still not entitled to relief because of Reason No. 2: I have unclean hands. There is a rule in law that no relief or remedy is available from the courts for a person with unclean hands (except in exceptional cases, which I am certain does not include love). I knew from the start that he had a girlfriend. I was in conspiracy with him when he cheated on his girl, or at the very least I was an accomplice to the crime (cheating). Because of this, I am now left with no relief for my injured heart.
I cannot appeal to him and beg him to love me. My only hope lies in making an appeal to heaven. I have already filed one, but my appeal is still pending. With my patron saint, St. Jude (the saint for hopeless cases), hopefully as my counsel, I hope and pray that the Supreme Judge will grant it.
But right now, I’ve got myself together and prepare for the lessons ahead. I’ll just have to wait for the decision on my case. I love him so. I pray that the decision favors me.
By Pennylane, 23, a student in a prestigious law school in Metro Manila
Published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer - Youngblood
Published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer - Youngblood
2 comments:
nice story... but truly, God's court can offer reprieve to the guilty and comfort for the broken-hearted.
there is no hopeless case as far as God is the lawyer. we are all but just our own clients, jury and and supreme courts. if we give up, it was not God who lost the case. it was us who filed for withdrawal and took the bribe from the devil that told us "we are guilty and for that we are guilty".
there should be no guilt as far as love is concerned. pain is enough. guilt is inappropriate.
nice comment frans!!
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